Who am I? “Who do you want to be?”
Why am I here? “Why are you here?”
What am I doing? “What do you want to do?”
The scary part is we are in control of the answer. We can ask these questions, we must also answer them. Looking to our ancestors can give clues. My African side were rulers of their land. My European side were farmers in their land. Simple yet complex. My mother flew on a great bird to America for all the opportunities this land has. Freedom, education, and mobility. I am American because of her.
As the year winds down, I feel death and renewal. When I left the Air Force December 29, 2017, I saved enough to last two-three years I thought. I knew I would have to make my own way down the road. I did not curb my spending during those years. I spent like I was dispensing a burden. The sooner I reached the end of my pot, the sooner I reached my new life. When that moment came, it was crippling and humbling. The old me died, Captain Eric Duechle. He got me here. What did I have to show for it? I planted roots in Seattle. Won two league championships. Met the mayor and the greatest athletes this city has known. I was on a new cloud. I invested in a business idea to heal the community. I faced my darkest demons. My mother’s spirit grew. My ancestors called to me. I was an ex-soldier made bitter by war. Now, I forgive the human nature that creates war. War is truly ugly. I forgive my own reckless nature. I am blessed to be in the role I am now.
Nietzsche summarized the importance of the organizing idea in giving form to one's psyche:
Harmonize the abundance of contrary drives and impulses and provide coordination to the plethora of competing forces within. Via the agency of an organizing idea or ruling passion, a dominant master drive that forms the living centre of the psyche and co-opts all other drives to act in subordination.
The presence of historical, prehistorical, and animal drives has contributed to the existence of an “abundance of contrary drives and impulses” within us – “we ourselves are a kind of chaos”, as Nietzsche put it.
The organizing idea arranges the plethora of competing forces in one's psyche in a manner that allows one to strive with single minded devotion towards a heroic goal which gives meaning to life.
"To make ourselves, to shape a form from various elements - that is the task! The task of a sculptor! Of a productive human being!"
My ruling passion is rugby? My ruling passion is human liberation. A liberated Eric is a top athlete. A liberated Eric is a king-warrior. A liberated Eric is a storyteller. I play rugby for my self liberation. I founded Seattle Compassion for community liberation. I joined the military for American liberation. I started the High Achiever's Club for humankind liberation. Human liberation is human success, human excellence, human fullness, human joy. I write stories to further liberation. I entertain to liberate.
Writing this out has given me clarity. I did not, consciously, know that human liberation was the root of my decisions. It makes sense now. It is a noble pursuit. Focus on what you can control, that is essentially, human liberation. Focusing on what is out of our control is worry. Worry is pain and burden. Thank you for clarity, universe.