New Chapter

There is so much to be grateful for. The breathe in my lungs, my enthusiasm for life, and the new opportunities that are developing in my life. I recently learned that I've been experiencing cryptogenic seizures for the last 5 years. I've had 3 major ones and one or two minor ones. They were pretty scary, yet weren't the typical seizure I was familiar with. They were silent seizures that lasted around ten seconds. Normally the neurons in your brain discharge for specific tasks. During a seizure the brain discharges electricity simultaneously. I now know what causes them and how to prevent them. I feel that with this knowledge, I can put a lot of fears behind me, and move forward with my life. A new chapter in the life.

Hello World,

It’s been a turbulent time; positive winds. I am an inventor and addict.

in·ven·tor

[inˈven(t)ər]

noun

inventor (noun) · inventors (plural noun)

  1. a person who invented a particular process or device or who invents things as an occupation.

ad·dict

[ˈadik(t)]

noun

  1. a person who is addicted to a particular substance, typically an illegal drug:

I think adding illegal, detracts from the condition. It’s about a person having a particular relationship with a substance, and the complications that come. An entrepreneur, is essentially, an inventor.

Land of the Lotus-eaters

You ever do something so long, you don't know what to do when its gone? It's been to long I've been inactive. I felt lost, I had a jungle to navigate. I feel free now. Free to tackle again. Clear of canopy. Free to pursue what is right, what is true. We are entering the back end of the decade, where dreams come true. With all these goals, don’t forget the epitome of being an athlete.

Integration

Feeling sensitive right now. I am tired from a couple nights of drinking and poor sleep. Lost a significant relationship to me. Learning boundaries, learning my needs, learning that God gives me only what I can handle. I feel a change happening. School is around the corner. I have some important deadlines looming until next thursday. I am capable. I can handle these challenges. I can excel at them.

Today I had my physical therapy visit. I gave her an update on my progress, and she gave me some new movements to try. I had a sense last week that I want to be 100%. I want to move at 100%. I think we subconsciously drink, indulge and entertain, without understanding it’s impact. As you get older, you get to points where indulgences overlap. I remember how excited I was the first time I drank alcohol. I drank too much, but it was enough. Now I find myself needing a cigarette to get an extra buzz. I need to stack more to feel more. How do I return to innocence and purity? When does that become enough? I think that’s why it is said that you need to hit rock bottom. Purity must be a necessity. Society making us wait until we are old enough. Then once you are an “adult”, its a free for all. You are left to learn from your own mistakes. Fair enough.

Well, I am seeing where this all leads. To the gutter. Or a fine line between bliss and agony. I feel bad for people like Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, Matthew Perry. Whatever there vice, there was never enough. What can we learn? What purpose do I need to live my best life?

Healthy Doubt

What if rugby doesn’t work out?

I will be okay. No matter what I do, I will be okay. If rugby doesn’t work out, its because there is something greater for me to achieve.

What if I am meant to take a step in a new direction?

If I am meant to step in a new direction, I will bring the same fire into other areas of life, excellence and entrepreneurial endeavors. I am already in a position, where in order to play rugby, I have to be successful earning income. You are already in a new direction. The question will be whether I can achieve everything I see in my heart.

How will I know?

Can I run 3 miles in 22 minutes? Can I squat 405 for 10? Can I sprint 100 meters ten times? Benchmarks. Standards to objectively know if my body can compete. If my body can compete, I have more to achieve.

Accountability

I helped push a man’s car that was stuck in the road. It was on an uphill slant. The old me would have no problem accomplishing. I am grateful we got him out of the way, I am sad it injured my right knee. I can say that it is a learning lesson. My knee was feeling much better, in a good place. Smooth and progressing. The load uphill was too much. To heal it is similar to square one. Walking backwards for around 400 meters was therapeutic. It helped align the matrix.

I want to use this experience as motivation. I haven’t been rehabbing as hard as I could. I probably could have done the feat without pain, yet, this is the crux of my weakness. I have always cut short my rehab program, risking injury. With cartilage, it’s different. God has given me this injury to overcome, to challenge, to rise above my mental limitations.

I was also faced with the fact that maybe this is a permanent disability. To be honest, I’ve thought that after every injury. Allow me to re-introduce myself.